05/07/2004 Entry: ""
Posted by Maynard @ 10:58 AM MST
Redshifts
Apparently, dress shopping can be a life-consuming affair, especially when it comes to bridesmaid dresses. Jennifer's sister, Erin, has spent quite a lot of time shopping around for the dresses for the wedding.
Originally, Jennifer wanted Midnight Blue as one of the colors. The idea was that our wedding would have a jazzy, high-schwank style & atmosphere to it. The Midnight Blue and Silver was supposed to contribute to it, along with the dim lighting in the atrium of the Viscount Suite Hotel. Unfortunately, since it is a Spring wedding, most stores are not carrying Midnight Blue anything (its a Winter color). So we had to go with the red.
Women's fashion perplexes me. Apparently apparel is appalling if its not the appropriate color. "Red" is different than "Rose" which is different than "Crimson". They are all different than "Pink", and I don't mean the pop star. Rose is apparently very similar to pink, which confuses me to no end since the poem every child knows starts out "Roses are red...". If roses are red, why is the color rose synonymous with pink and not red?
This is where men have it made over women. To guys, there are light, regular, and dark shades of eight different colors: red, orange, yellow, green, blue, purple, gray, and brown. For example, light red is more commonly known as pink. Dark blue is what Jennifer would call Midnight Blue. Nude to a woman would be light brown to a guy, but light brown to a woman would be light brown to a guy. Gray is special: white is the maximum shade of light gray, black is the max shade of dark gray. There are also modifiers for shine (flat, regular, or glossy).
Jennifer and I have a running debate about periwinkle. I say it is light purple. She says it has too much blue to be light purple, it is a mix of light purple and light blue.
When I explain to women this color scheme (jokingly referred to as male pattern color blindness) they get this glazed look of amazement in their eyes. "Wow," is the common exclamation, as if they could not fathom a worldview where teal is just another four-letter word. When I explain it to guys they say, "yep, that's pretty much it", because there is not much more to say.
There are, of course, exceptions to the rule. Any man should be able to instantly recognize olive drab green, Navy blue, Gunship Grey, and Yellow Zinc Chromate. These are all colors found in manly environments (i.e. a military base), and to misidentify them is to forfeit your Man Card.
So in 21 days and a few hours, I will watch seven friends of Jennifer walk down the aisle in red dresses, followed by her in white with her father in black. I and my groomsmen will be wearing black with silver coats. Jennifer and I may disagree on colors, but we agree that simple is better.
And you can't get much more simple than the male color scheme.
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