Well, that was frustrating
A short while ago this website was running WordPress 3.0.4, now we are running 3.1.1.
For those of you attempting the same jump, be sure you land on the 3.0.5 lilypad first. This administriviator tried to go straight to 3.1.1 and got a function missing error. A rollback to 3.0.4, then up to 3.0.5, and on to 3.1.1 resolved things. You may wish to take note for future reference.
Oh, and the automatic update doesn’t work if your directory structure is not what WordPress is expecting.
Please carry on with your normal ennui elimination.