MatthewMaynard.net

Win the War
Republicans: “We will succeed in Iraq, just like we did in Afghanistan. We will stand up a new government under an Iraqi-drafted constitution. We will defeat that insurgency, and, in fact, it will be an enormous success story.” – Vice President Dick Cheney
Democrats: “The U.S. cannot accomplish anything further in Iraq militarily. It is time to bring them home.” – John Murtha, D-PA-12

Confirm the Judges
Republicans: “Republicans will confirm judges who will follow the law – not make the law – by ensuring timely up-or-down votes for all nominees on the Senate floor.” – Senate Republican Conference
Democrats: “All you need to do is have a member go upstairs and look at [Henry Saad's] confidential report from the FBI, and I think we would all agree that there is a problem there,” – Senate Minority Leader Harry Reid, in a statement on the Senate floor widely seen as slandering Judge Saad without cause.

Cut the Taxes
Republicans: “Wiping [the death] tax from the books is a matter of principle,” Senate Majority Leader Bill Frist
Democrats: “We’re going to take [tax cuts] away from you on behalf of the common good.” – Hillary Clinton

Control the Spending
Republicans: “… nor do I want to complicate their negotiations. But I’ve laid my marker down very clearly, that we’re not going to spend more than the President asked for.” – John Boehner, House Majority Leader
Democrats: “When I become chairman [of a House appropriations subcommittee], I’m going to earmark the [redacted] out of it,” Jim Moran, D-VA-8

Secure the Border
Republicans: “The Border Patrol is actually doing a tremendous job against incredible odds. Not only is the Border Patrol underfunded, understaffed, outmanned, and outgunned, but the rest of the federal government actually works to make its job harder by actually making it easier for illegals to settle into American life.” – J.D. Hayworth, R-AZ-5
Democrats: “Insufficient enforcement is not a root cause of the immigration crisis. A root cause is that our laws do not match a market of willing workers and employees with the economic demands of our country.” – Raul Grijalva, D-AZ-7

Lesson 1: Vote Republican. Even if you think they’re spineless wusses, they’re better than the alternative.
Lesson 2: People who think there’s no difference between Republicans and Democrats aren’t paying attention.